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The Art of Instigating an NHL Hockey Fight: A Guide for Drunken Fans

As a fan of NHL hockey, there's nothing quite like watching two players drop their gloves and start throwing punches. But what if the game is lacking in the fight department? As a drunken fan, you have a responsibility to take matters into your own hands and instigate a brawl. Here are five tips to help you do just that.

  1. Insult the other team's star player: Every team has that one player that's adored by fans and feared by opponents. Use this to your advantage by insulting him loudly and repeatedly. If you're lucky, one of his teammates will come to his defense, and a fight will break out. I'm a diehard fan of the hometown Grizzlies, and nothing can get me more pumped up than a good hockey fight. So, when I found out that Doug "The Ice Pick" McGee, a notorious enforcer from the rival team, was playing against us in the championship game, I knew it was going to be a bloodbath. One time, I got in a player's head realI had done hours of online research to find out what could trigger Doug's temper. I knew he had a reputation for being short-tempered, and I was determined to use that to our advantage. As soon as the game started, I started chirping at him from the top row, trying to get him to come up and engage in a fight. To my surprise, it worked. Doug climbed up the stands, and I thought I had him right where I wanted him. But things took a turn for the worse when he pulled out a skate and tried to stab me in the chest. I was lucky enough to have my trusty puck in my pocket, which stopped the blade from penetrating too deep. I still ended up in the hospital, but thankfully, the Grizzlies won the championship, and the team chipped in to cover my medical bills. I may have some scars to show for it, but I'll always have my lucky puck as a reminder of the craziest hockey game of my life.

  2. Throw your drink at the opposing team's bench: Nothing shows your team spirit like dousing the opposing team's players with a cold beverage. This move is sure to anger the players and might just spark a brawl. I sometime's like to spit in it with my chewing tobacco or I use some Mountain Dew so it's sure to be extra sticky.

  3. Challenge a fan of the opposing team to a fight: If the players aren't fighting, why not take matters into your own hands? Find a fan of the opposing team and challenge them to a fight. This is a surefire way to get the players riled up and could lead to a bench-clearing brawl. If you have a girlfriend or significant other have them help you instigate fights by telling others that, "their boyfriend can beat their ass," and you don't even have to be in the room while they do it. You can go get beers and come back to a heated argument already. It's a great way to manage your time as it can be cumbersome to start all of your own fights.

  4. Yell insults at the referees: Referees are used to getting yelled at by fans, but that doesn't mean you can't take it to the next level. Yell insults at the referees and question their eyesight and intelligence. This is sure to rile up the players and could lead to a fight. Sometimes it's best to go with the classics like "Blind" or insinuate that the ref was paid off by the opposing team. I like to do my research and look into their personal lives. I typically will find out some dirt on whoever is officiating and get really personal.

  5. Throw something onto the ice: When all else fails, throw something onto the ice. Whether it's a hat, a jersey, or a beer can, this move is sure to disrupt the game and get the players' attention. This can be a great way to get the attention of everyone in the stadium.


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